


count your heartbeat, not the time

by Felikid



Series: Insomnia [2]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, Insomnia, but only vaguely, it's me writing at 3am again, mentions of the heart squad, sora cant sleep and has feelings about it thats it thats the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:26:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23149993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Felikid/pseuds/Felikid
Summary: Sora can only hear a single heartbeat in the night and is displeased to find it is his own
Series: Insomnia [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1664113
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	count your heartbeat, not the time

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is 100% nonsense. enjoy or whatever.
> 
> written and edited entirely past 2am. that sure is something. might've missed some typos becaus i do not know where my glasses are currently

It's gone.

That infernal noise, the ever present _ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum_ , that haunted Sora every single night.

Nothing from the shadows, nothing from the wind, nothing from the fractured moonlight and nothing creeping through long-forgotten dusty corners.

There is a heartbeat.

_Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum._

And the horrible thing is, it is his own.

  
Each beat rings out in his ears, his chest rises up and down, muscles beating along, almost spasming in tact.

The horrible thing is, his own heartbeat is the only he cannot ignore.

It reminds him, _you are the only one left_ it reminds him _your duty is fulfilled_ it reminds him _they are gone and whole and_ do not need you anymore

Sora has grown to despise rhythms.

The rhythm of life back home. Get up, put on clothes, brush your teeth, eat, go to school, learn things that you do not care for and that will never save your life like a blade, go home, eat, do homework you don't understand until you give up and don't, do something to fill the void of time, go to sleep. 

Rinse and repeat. There is repeat, but where is the rinse?

Home, as a place. What a concept. so long has home been a duck and a dog and a ship made of gummi-blocks, so long has home been where the heart is.

But his heart is here, thumping along inside his chest, and the rush of blood does not make him whole. His blood rushes more than any battle, in this quiet lonesome night, amd he has heard once that it is an instinct, a fluke of the brain thinking sleep is death.

It might as well be.

So long to sleep. He feels as if, every second he closes his eyes, something will happen and he will not wake up. Or he will wake up, in a dream inside a dream inside a dream inside a scheme.

Sleep does not come easy.

Sora turns from his back to his side yet the rhythm beats its lone drum and his eyes remain wide open.

Sora looks to the windoe with its pale moonlight reaching through like the pale.blue light of a giant heart beating away to the rhythm of the world like the one inside his chest.

Where are they now, those other heartbeats?

They have been with him, so _so_ long. Since he was four years old and naive to it all. First two, then three, then two again and at last four and now he is one again.

He misses it, almost. He thought, every night, _this_ was what's keeping him awake.

This hated _ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum_ of other hearts taking up space in his chest, consuming all oxygen and leaving him to choke on nothing but their presence.

Why, oh why, now that they are all gone does he feel so empty?

His heart, it used to be suffocating, fighting for space with all the others, or perhaps drowning of its own volition.

Now it has the space it needs, it can fill his chest and his lungs and his blood all on its own, but it has grown so used to sharing it cannot fill all he is on its own anymore.

Somewhere along the way, they became a comforting presence. No matter how far out of reach his friends were, he was never alone.

Sora is alone.

Sora is alone and how he wishes he wasn't.

Sora is alone and he wishes he knew how many pieces of his heart they all took as souvenirs.

Sora wants to be home.

Home is where the heart is.

But where is his heart?

Sitting right there in his chest.

_Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum._

**Author's Note:**

> *takes my feelings about sleep and my feelings about the heart hotel and slams them inside the same pot*
> 
> i cant sleep again bit at least im not hearing imaginary sounds anymoreeeee
> 
> but also my heartbeat is loud and annoys meeeeee
> 
> can it like, shut up or something.
> 
> sometimes home feels like home except when you're laying in bed. then it is the unfeeling void


End file.
